2019 was one of the hardest years of my life, but it’s been the year I’ve grown the most as a person. January started out wonderful. I celebrated my one year anniversary with my husband and we even bought our first house. Mackenzie turned one in February and we celebrated her birthday with all our friends and family. Things started to turn for a worse as the months continued. In May of 2019 my husband was arrested. I moved in with my mother afterwards and she helped me through so much. I decided that I was going to leave him. I handled everything really well for about a week. Then one night my mom was out of town and I lost it. I started cutting right away. I cut so deep that I had to get 11 stitches in my arm. I remember my mom calling my aunt to come check on me. She took great care of Mackenzie and me. I was lucky enough to spend Mother’s day with my little girl before being admitted to the hospital for suicidal ideation. I spent a week in the hospital and met some great people. But I didn’t change anything. Through the summer months I got an amazing job as a veterinary technician. I loved every minute of it. My boss was pretty great and very patient with my situation and what was going on. I got to spend everyday doing what I love with some really great people. In August as many of you know, life got too much and I tried to end my own life. After staying in the hospital for a few days my dad and stepmom found another program for me. It was called pathways. Pathways changed my life. It changed my whole way of thinking and I met some really great people while I was there. I started to figure out that I am actually worth something. I realized my beauty which was a big thing for me because I have never felt like I was beautiful for many reasons. I realized that I can do hard things, I learned how to do an emotional pushup and how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. It was an amazing experience. While I was there we visited some very beautiful landmarks where I got back into touch with God. After I graduated from Pathways I moved into my dads house. Ive been building a wonderful relationship with my stepmom and my dad. They have supported me so much through the past year. ( I don’t think they will ever know how thankful I am for them) I moved to Vernal and got a pretty good job with some amazing people. I am about to move into my own apartment with Mackenzie and couldn’t be happier.
If I wouldn’t have gone through everything that has happened to me in the past year, then I would have never learned how to grow. It’s in our hardest times that we see the most growth. To be honest with you, 2019 sucked but it was the year I figured out my worth and thats worth everything to me. I now get to be here for my daughter and watch her grow up. I get to teach her how to love herself and show her how to know her worth. One thing I would suggest to you in 2020 is to know your own worth. Know that you are enough. You are beautiful. You are loved. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Cheers to 2020!