If you’ve been reading my blog or know me personally you know that I tried to commit suicide last year. My story isn’t over.
I want to talk a little more about my story. When I was going through my hard time I wasn’t sure how to handle life. I was overwhelmed and my anxiety kicked into overdrive. I was depressed nearly every day. I was afraid that my husband was going to leave me and I was afraid that I wasn’t being the mother I was supposed to be. Life got too much and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I decided that I wanted my story to be over. I wanted to end my story, but God had another plan for my life.
Everyone has a purpose and a plan. We don’t always know our purpose or our plan. For example, I knew that once I saw the positive pregnancy test I was meant to be a mother. Motherhood is hard and exhausting. Its a rough life being a mommy, but yet so rewarding. Once I saw that pregnancy test I knew my life was going to change (for the better of course).
I think a lot of people struggle with what their purpose is and how their story is supposed to go. Because we don’t always know whats going to happen. I know I always struggled, and honestly still do struggle with knowing my purpose and knowing what to do. I know with depression we often feel like were drowning and we can’t get back up and we can’t breathe. With anxiety we always worry about what will happen. No matter how we feel we can’t let our story be over.
Last night my 13 year old sister told me that she wrote a song about my struggles. She’s very talented with music and writing. She told me she wrote a song about things I’ve gone through and how my story isn’t over. One line she said was how I looked at God and I knew that I still have a purpose. I love that she wrote that in her song. I was so humbled by this. I am so blessed by friends and family.
The reason I got this tattoo was to remind me that my story isn’t over, even though I wanted to end it and attempted to end it, its still not over. Let me be the first to tell you, your story isn’t over either. God has a plan for each and every human. You will prevail and get through whatever your going through. You just have to keep believing that you matter and you do have a purpose.