Anxiety is real. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and worrying. I tend to not worry about the small stuff. Usually moms would be freaking out if their baby goes down the stairs, I don’t worry because I know she knows how to handle stairs. I worry about the big things. I worry that one day I am going to wake up and my whole family will be gone or I worry every time I get into a car I will die from a car accident. I worry about those kinds of things.
Day to day anxiety is hard to deal with. It makes things more difficult. It makes tasks like calling to make appointments more difficult. Or even going shopping. Imagine being so nervous and anxious that your going to say or do something wrong, so you seem uncomfortable and you become even more self conscious about it. You don’t know the right thing to say or do. Thats what it feels like for me.
Anxiety can act like a dark fog around you. It can make you feel like you don’t know how to act or what move to make next because your afraid it’s the wrong one. You have to trust that God won’t let you fall.
I remember my first panic attack like it was yesterday. I was walking into Walmart to get a few groceries. All of a sudden I couldn’t breath. I felt like everything was moving around me, but I was staying still. I was walking around but it felt like I couldn’t move. I started freaking out and breathing very heavily. It felt as if there was something wrong with my heart. I thought I was going to pass out and die. I was in complete and utter panic.
I think the scariest part was that I didn’t know what was happening. I’ve never had a panic attack and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t even know I was having a panic attack til after I was calmed down.
I called my mom as soon as I felt there was something wrong with my body. She was 350 miles away and couldn’t do much for me. She talked me down and I left walmart. I sat in my car until my dad arrived. My dad drove me home and we sat and talked for a while.
I’ve had many panic attacks after that as well. Right after having Mackenzie was the worst. I was so afraid I wasn’t doing the right thing as a mother. I was worried Jake was going to fall out of love with me because my body changed so much. I had so much anxiety when going out in public because I felt like everyone was watching and judging me.
Medication has defiantly helped my struggles with anxiety. Before I started taking medication I couldn’t even call to order pizza or takeout Chinese food. I always made Jake do it. Now I’m on medication I don’t have near as many panic attacks and I don’t worry about the big things as much. But medication is a whole other story.
Anxiety is real. It’s a disease just like depression. If your reading this I need you to understand that people don’t fake having anxiety. It’s a real thing and millions of people suffer from it. Please be patient with us. We are all trying.